Time in Early Motherhood

One hour is one hour, and one day is one day, right? Not always.

For a mother with a baby under 12-months, time has a different value.

One hour of standard time is 5+ hours of a mother’s time.

One day is about one week in early motherhood.

And, like many things in motherhood, there is a conflict.

One week can also feel like one day!

We both want to press fast-forward, and also want to pause time.

Fast forward time

We can secretly fantasise about the time the baby will be 18 and moving out (or is it just me?).

A mother with a baby utilises more of her 24-hours than the average person. And within these 24-hours there is often joy alongside boredom, anger, anxiety, despair and a sense of isolation.

Each day can feel like another version of the same thing.

A sense of domestic boredom can exist.

The loss felt for the excitement and variety of pre-mother life.

It can feel painful, and it is natural for us to want to fast-forward to a time with more ease, sleep and independence.

When a well-intentioned bystander says to a mother of a baby to “enjoy every moment”, the mother may have visions of inflicting grievous bodily harm on that person ;)

Pause Time

Despite feeling like some days last forever, we can also have moments of realisation about the sacredness of this time. There can be a strong feeling of wanting to slow down our bodies and minds to soak it all in because the milestones keep unfolding; the ‘firsts’ and ‘lasts’ come and go — a painful reminder at just how short this time is.

Time Perspective

With the benefit of 10-years hindsight on my own early motherhood experience, I can see what a small amount of time it was in the scheme of my life. And yet, I remember spending many moments wishing away my time, or fantasising about going on a solo holiday.

I remember thinking this was my new life and that I would never again have my own life, or have my own needs matter.

I remember feeling like all my career achievements were wasted when my daily life felt like it boiled down to laundry, preparing food and then cleaning it off the floor.

Is it possible, in early motherhood, to both recognise the intensity, joy and suffering, and realise that it will all pass?

Can we convince a new mother that independence, excitement and sleep will return?

Can we reassure her that all of her experiences (including the suffering) are part of of the secret sauce to the next version of herself; one she will love and appreciate for all her newfound alignment and strength?

And what would be the consequence of seeing and feeling this time perspective?

I hope that the woman, and all around her, make special efforts for her to thrive in this beautiful, challenging period of her life. If I recognised the intense, and yet relatively short (and at the same time loooonnngg) period of early motherhood, would I have been more willing to support myself? Would I have been more committed to my wellbeing?

Postpartum Planning

How could we use this time perspective, and knowledge of the intensity and joy of this time to our advantage? With hindsight, I would have spent less time and money researching and buying baby stuff, and squirrelled away some money to a Postpartum Thriving fund. In-lieu of any financial investment, there are many ways we can plan well for our early motherhood season.

• We can plan how to support ourselves.
• We can simplify and lower our expectations.
• We can remind ourselves that we are at a peak time, and one day it won’t be as intense as this.
• We can care for ourselves at all levels.
• We can connect with meaning and purpose over productivity and striving.
• We can be patient with ourselves and our learning journey.
• We can create pockets of joy.
• We can nurture our emotional lives.
• We can ask for help.
• We can focus on essentials and let go of all ‘nice to haves’.
• We can come together with our intimate partners to work out how to create a ‘high performing team’ through this time.

But most of all, can we simply be more tender, and kind to ourselves? Can we give ourselves just a little more patience?

Yes, motherhood is beautiful and joyful. But, it is also exhausting and challenging. How can we lift our heads up from the weeds of the every day and acknowledge ourselves for the value we are offering our families and society in this important role of mothering?